No Nonsense Divorce Tips for Men
There are a lot of divorce tips for men, but many of them aren’t prudent. While divorce does not have to define who you are, it can define how you choose to move ahead with your life. There is an old adage – “fail to plan, plan to fail” – that unquestionably carries with it certain wisdom. Winding up on the path to a divorce may not have been a part of your plan, but you can begin to take charge and implement your own plan.
Setting the course and committing to take control of the things in your life that you can while managing the rest is the first and most important step. There is a light at the end of the tunnel so long as you embrace the lessons that have illuminated your life to this point.
Divorce tips for men
While no two divorces are the same from start to finish, some tips can help men come to grips with the divorce process and move forward effectively.
Accept the ending
Denial can be a powerful tool that works against you every step of the way. It is a fear-based reaction to adversity that prevents you from feeling, seeing, and accepting the truth. This prolongs the journey through the pain and towards progression.
Endings are a difficult thing to accept, and a marriage can be one of the most emotionally challenging situations in life to endure. Especially for men, there is the need to be “right.” The problem with that is that when two people divorce, history is rewritten by the parties and the filter we use to look back over our time together is an entirely different filter than the one we used when we were married.
This is where things can be particularly difficult. One party may not see that the end is nigh while the other is fully accepting of the path forward. One of the best divorce tips for men is to try to see the whole picture and understand that the relationship is over. Trying to change that will only result in that much more frustration and even further delusion.
Accepting is perhaps the most difficult step in the process and with good reason. The realization that the relationship is at an end is a fresh one and difficult to embrace. It will take time to accept this, and that path forward will be littered with trials and tribulations.
Embrace the feelings
Another valuable divorce tip for men is to embrace the feelings that come along with divorce. With men especially, there is a mindset of having to suck it up and deal with things and never accept the emotional strain and stress that can come with a divorce.
Men, as a whole, are more accepting of their feelings than ever before. But, we have a ways to go. “Talking it out” and expressing yourself emotionally can go a long, long way towards helping you to not only accept the divorce but also to wade through the emotional muck that comes with the process.
Finding a cathartic expression of emotions can help balance you and make the slog through a divorce that much easier to deal with. Being able not to let the emotions of the situation weigh you down is an important step in the process.
Engage the right methodology for moving through a divorce
There are certainly many different ways to move through a divorce process, but making the right decisions at the beginning of the process are most important. Depending on what route you opt for, it can mean the difference between months to years of stressful, expensive, chaotic litigation.
Another valuable divorce tip for men is to embrace the mediation process. This means avoiding the adversarial legal separation process of court appearances and affidavits. In situations like those, both parties lose even if one party wins. That process can get ugly and lead to a lot of extra emotional baggage that isn’t necessary.
For men especially, the process of divorce can be one that does not end well. Certain states will favour the woman in the process, meaning you get hurt not only on a deeper emotional level but on a financial level as well.
Work towards positive co-parenting
Without a doubt, one of the most important divorce tips for men is to consider that divorce affects more than just you and your ex-spouse. Children are more often than not involved as well. Depending on the age of the children, the process of seeing their parents get a divorce can be a painful one.
This statement is especially true if the divorce process is a toxic one. Even if they don’t show it, kids will remember the nasty, vicious things that get said by one parent about the other. You might have the worst opinion about your ex-spouse, but remember that it is the mother of your children you are dealing with. Your kids will certainly think of her that way.
That’s not to say that you need to ignore your feelings, but you do have to have a respect for the way that your children view your ex-spouse; your feelings are not their feelings. Make certain to remind them that the breakdown in your marriage is not because of them and that you still love them.
These reminders can sound forced at times, but they are the reinforcement that your kids require. Working amicably with your ex-spouse can also ease some of that tension and keep their lives feeling as normal as possible.
Put together a parenting plan with your ex-wife
To reiterate: there is nothing more important in your relationship than your children. You need to give them the ability to move through the divorce process knowing that they still have both parents and that they can turn to each of you when they need it.
How you choose to move through the divorce proceedings will not only set the stage for the divorce itself, but for the ability of you and your ex-spouse to be able to co-parent. Responsible adults will keep their focus on the parenting of their children and work to come up with an effective plan towards successfully doing so.
Even if your ex-spouse is being petty and mean, you have to remain calm and focused. You can only control how you behave, and it sets a proper example for your children on how to behave. Having the ability to get over any nasty remarks can be a useful tool for showing your children how to handle the situation appropriately.
Be smart, be patient, and show a level of understanding. It will go a long way towards properly parenting your children the way that you want to.
Be financially prudent
After parenting, this is one of the more important divorce tips for men. Finances become a big deal for men in a divorce proceeding. The divorce laws in Canada, particularly Alberta, set out that the matrimonial split is to be 50/50. Don’t fool yourself: what might appear to be black and white can wind up being very grey.
Seek out mediators or negotiators that have a strong financial background so that you both get as close to even pieces of the pie as possible. Just because the system is just, does not mean that it is always fair. Keep that in mind before litigation or mediation.
Embrace the journey. Everything happens for a reason.