The truth about divorce is, we're right!

We’ve all heard or likely said it before: ‘if only they would see things my way’, or ‘of course I’m right, it’s the truth’.

Ask two people who attended the same concert to tell you what they thought, and they will very well tell you two very different versions of the same event. How can that be? Does a person’s perceptions influence their concept of what is ‘truth’?

Can there really be only ONE single truth when it comes to the breakdown of a relationship? If our ‘truth’ is shaped by our perceptions and how we experience events in our lives, then clearly the answer is no. Each person brings with them their history, their story, fears, hopes, ideas, expectations and opinions on how things should be.

So, if there is no one single truth when it comes to relationships, maybe we could put an end to the conflict that often accompanies divorce. What if we could just accept that each person has his/her own ‘truth’ about how/what happened during the relationship? By accepting the end as something that happens, without fault or blame, people may be able to move through this difficult time with less pain and heartache.

Imagine seeing divorce as an opportunity and not a failure. Or a new beginning, rather than just an end. What if it was an opportunity to grow and to learn about one’s self?

In talking with people these past few months – I have often heard things like: “There’s no point in getting mad”; “I worry about him being able to take care of himself”; and, “just because our relationship ended doesn’t mean I don’t care about her”. One couple, weeks away from separating their lives, were walking out of my office talking about what they were going to have for dinner that night!

I am constantly amazed at how caring and appreciative some people are about each other and how they wish to protect one another. These people really ‘get it’.

It is possible to honour the history that our partner played in our lives by allowing two truths to be in the same place. Just because you allow someone’s truth to exist, doesn’t mean you have to agree to it or understand it. Just accept it as their truth.

In her book, “The Triangle of Truth”, Lisa Earle McLeod writes: “We are usually trying to pretend we’re perfect or we’re beating ourselves up because we’re not. We’re either trying to prove we are right, or we are terrified that we are wrong.” Maybe that’s why we cling so strongly to ‘our truth’. We are afraid that if we allow someone else’s truth to exist, that somehow that will minimize our story.

Let go, let truths exist.

Peace!

Colette Fortin BEd, CDFA, AccFM