Research has now concluded that what we think – is what we create. The “Spindrift Experiments” measured the power of positive prayer. In one of the experiments, they planted two groups of seeds, ensuring that all variables were the same and controlled. What they intended to try and measure was the impact of positive prayer directed towards one grouping, while the other was ignored. After a bit of time, the results were conclusive. The group of seeds that were intentionally prayed for, were sprouting substantially more then those that were ignored. Other experiments in different parts of the world have concluded the same thing –our thoughts create outcomes and the power of positive thought is measureable. Consider the implication of this. Consider the impact your thoughts have on those close to you. Consider that your thoughts directly affect the wellbeing of those you direct your thoughts toward. You actually can harm another human being simply by thinking “bad” thoughts, and conversely, you can nurture and create wellbeing with positive thoughts and intentions. Also, take it one step further, and know that if you think negative thoughts, the intention behind those thoughts, come right back at you. So today, be more conscious and aware of your thoughts, do everything in your power to keep them positive and your life will soon be a reflection of these positive thoughts.
Stats we should not ignore:
- One in three marriages end in Divorce
- Almost 40% of North American children will grow up in a single family home
- The amount of unpaid Child Support in Canada totals more than 2.5 billion
- 1.2 million annual US divorces cost taxpayers an estimated 30 billion in federal and state expenditures (Schramm, 2006)
- Estimate of 6 billion is lost by North American businesses due to decreased productivity stemming from marriage and relationship difficulties (Forthofer, Markham, Cox, Stanley and Kessler, 1996)
- Divorce can disrupt productivity of the worker for more than 3 years (Lavy, 2002)
- In a year of divorce, employees lose an average of 168 hours of work time
- A litigated divorce will likely last more than 3 years and will include time off to see lawyers, attend case conferences, court appearances etc.
Regardless of circumstances, divorce will normally require us to evaluate who we are and what we want out of life. It can be a little bit like looking in the mirror. Unfortunately, sometimes when we wake up and look in the mirror we discover our hair is messy and we don’t like what we see. When we look in the mirror and don’t like what we see, we have three options:
I don’t like what I see and I can’t handle it right now and so I take the mirror off the wall and put it in the closet. My issue seems overwhelming and for whatever reason I can’t deal with it right now. Perhaps it’s too painful and I can’t face it and it is easier to avoid my problem. Whatever the reason, I put the mirror in the closet and go through the day hoping that my hair will simply fix itself.
Does struggling with emotions make you less of a man?
I would argue that it makes you human. No matter how you look at it, divorce is an emotional journey and while it’s nothing for us to be ashamed of or embarrassed about, men have a hard time navigating through it. Guys spend much of their time and energy thinking about what went wrong, how life sucks and what to tell their friends and family. They often blame their ex for the breakdown of the marriage, or at times blame themselves for what happened. Many emotional scars are inflicted along the journey and it can be mentally draining and exhausting for everyone.
For some time, I struggled in dealing with my emotions. One day I felt great, the next I would lie in bed all day with no energy to do anything. At times I was happy, then the next hour I was on the brink of tears.
A recent article quoting basic statistics suggested that the filing of divorce papers increases around Valentine's Day. This is due to people starting to question their relationships and the true meaning of love. I suppose that the thought of a romantic dinner with someone who you no longer want to share time with might be the trigger to take that dreaded next step. The article also refers to the increase in security company business, as suspicious partners endeavor to find out if there is another love interest involved. How sad is this?
Yes, life after divorce can be good, and for many, there just didn't seem that there was any other option.
Every time we turn on the radio this week it is all about love - the “have’s and have not’s”. I agree that getting roses and sharing a romantic dinner with your significant other is great, but there is so much more to this day of love.
There are many inspirational leaders that remind us that we should start and end each day with a prayer of gratitude for all that we have been blessed with.
If you are separated/divorced, and you have young children; be prepared that the journey ahead will involve ongoing communication with your former spouse. And if you are like many couples, then chances are this might not seem very enticing at this point.
To compound things, you may also be finding your life becoming busier with navigating children’s schedules and activities. Children are often involved in sports, music, school activities; making the weekly calendar look more like a maize of who goes where, with whom.
Words Can Change Your Marriage
Remember grandma saying, "One rotten apple can ruin a bunch"? Well, there is much wisdom in this old saying -- as what applies to apples also applies to your marriage. Words can destroy or build your relationship and the choice is yours. It is as simple as that.
Over the last number of years there has been much research with regards to the power of intention and the consequences that flow from that. Intention in the form of words is sometimes spoken out loud and other times to our selves. Research shows that our brains do not know the difference between the two. Further, neuroscience has proven that what we think is what we are and the words we use are whom we are. Our words can either bring peace, love, health or hate, anger and disease.
If you are going through a divorce, then there is no doubt that your soon to be ex will have mastered how to push your buttons. Your challenge is to not react – no matter what! Yes, perhaps it’s harder said than done but here are a few helpful tips to try:
Like the old saying goes, when life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. Karen Stewart, the founder of Fairway Divorce Solutions, certainly knows that.
Like Karen, my business partner Cheryl and I both have had the experience of witnessing divorce first hand. Cheryl as an adult and I as a teenager. Ask Cheryl and I how the experience was and you’ll get two markedly different answers.