Children thrive when they have a healthy relationship with both parents. You play a key role in making that happen for your children. Many times children of divorce are caught in the middle of the conflict between their parents. It’s really important to keep kids out of your divorce. They need information about what is happening but they don’t need details of your issues with your spouse. Don’t involve them in the financial details of your divorce. Parents get divorced, children do not. Researchers agree that it is not the divorce that has a long-term emotional impact on the children, rather it’s how parents handle themselves during and after that does. So how you do set up a plan that allows your children to thrive?

Your children need…

• to know they are loved – continuous reassurance that everything will be ok
• to know it is not their fault
• permission to love both parents (they need time with both and with extended  family)
• a schedule that meets their needs (predictable but flexible as they get older)
• to be kids – they are not your confidant nor should they assume the role of caregiver for younger children – let them be kids
• to see their parents role model positive communication – that will set them up for successful relationships in their adult lives (they are watching you, so what do you want them to learn from you?)

Your co-parenting plan needs to address decision-making, living arrangements and schedule. It is key that you educate yourself on how divorce affects your children. Even though you know your children best, divorce has an impact on children and education can help you understand what they are going through and how you can best help them. Sometimes parents get caught up in the ‘busyness’ of divorce and children are left to sort it out on their own. And even though your former spouse may drive you crazy at times, let the small stuff go and think of the long-term picture.  As long as the children of divorce are well cared for, loved and safe, the odd missed bath or late night isn’t going to hurt them.  Don’t use your children to get back at your spouse.

When choosing a way to move through divorce, look for:

• A process that deals with money and children separately and has experience in both areas
• A process that reduces fear and stress so parents can spend their energy creating a co-parenting plan tailored to their family’s needs
• A plan that empowers all the parties - parents and children alike
• A way to move through divorce that does not include unnecessary pain and suffering
• A way that allows you to be the best you can be, so that your children are also empowered through the family’s time of transition.

Remember both parents should be honoured as important in their children’s lives!