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There seems to be a trend of Mothers accusing Fathers of using facebook to make them look like “good” Dads.  A number of women are complaining about “deadbeat Dads” using facebook to post pictures that show Dad in a good light so to position them legally and otherwise.

What people seem to not understand is that when a couple divorces, history is rewritten.  The parties will see their marriage and the roles they played in a totally different light than when they were married.  This is not a bad thing it is just the way it happens.  Since our truth is our perception, as our perception changes, our past is rewritten to reflect our new reality.

So as this applies to parenting our perceptions of what mom or Dad did or did not do while married is a product of our perception and roles at the time.  When we are part of a traditional family we will share roles according to the values and members of our family. Perhaps Dad did not bath the kids or drive them to and from their sports or help them with their homework. But this may have as much to do with the values and roles in the family and have nothing to do with his love for his children or his commitment to being a good Dad. When parents split roles change, as we would expect. While Dad may have not been around as much as mom wanted it may have had little to do with the children. It is not like he left them with a stranger.

Perhaps now that he is a single parent he truly wants to step up to the plate and be not only a provider but a Dad who takes on the daily tasks associated with parenting. His desire to show himself in a good light is as much about him fitting into his new role then for any other reason. Perhaps there is the rare Dad is who is a massive manipulator but this is rare and certainly does not speak to the masses.  Mothers on the other hand seem to get on this bandwagon and relish in the banter. She may see the pictures as positioning and insincere and that may simply not be the case. Parents and mothers particularly need to lay off and get over it. They need to pay less attention to what Dad is doing or not doing and focus on their new life.

Stay off their face book! Why put salt on the womb anyway?  In fact if Dad is displaying pictures of his fabulous weekend with kids and even the new girl friend it is better then him pretending he does not have kids and putting himself out on the dating scene as a lone man. Mothers need to get over it and do that sooner then later. There seems to be a certain comradery in complaining about ex's and that is the best way to play the victim and prolong getting on with their own lives.  The sooner they can let go, the sooner their life will resemble the picturesque new beginnings they dream about.