The festive holidays are here and it can be a merry one, even for those of you going through a divorce. These are the times to step away from your turbulent path and embrace the festivities with those you love-your children, your family, your friends and, most of all, yourself.
Below you will find simple steps to ensure that you survive the holidays with grace, delight and peace.
- With Family
Keep children top of mind. If you have them, make it a happy, joyous occasion with a big smile on your face. They have likely been through enough, just like you, but build this time just for them.
- Begin New Traditions
Rather than participating in traditions that took place prior to your divorce, come up with new ideas! Enjoy turkey and all the trimmings with family and friends; or perhaps take the children on a road trip or mini-holiday; volunteer at a local homeless shelter; or craft a creative gift treasure hunt in your house or backyard. Whatever you decide, bring forth anticipation and excitement for your children.
It is important that you keep your mind and time occupied because, out of the blue, you could be overwhelmed with emotion-it is Christmas after all-and anyone in pain finds it a difficult time.
b. Perform a Family Play - One year, the kids and I did a family play that I found on the Internet and we went around all Christmas day to friends' homes and brought cheer and performed our 15 minute play. We had fun and our friends and family loved it. And guess what? I did not have time to wallow in my pain. It turned out to be a great day for all of us.
- With Spirit
I remember one Christmas without my kids and my ex-husband....I was not mentally and emotionally stable to go to family or have family see me. While some said to "suck it up" and go be with family, that particular holiday was just too painful. So I decided to do something just for me.
One Christmas day, I was totally alone so I planned the entire day in advance. I actually pulled out all the old albums and pictures and made scrap books. I also made a special box for my ex (in the spirit of the holiday season). Yes, I cried but it was so cleansing; and since I had about 4 big boxes to get through, it kept me busy all day and into the night. The kids came back after the holiday and I shared with them the new albums I had done and it was both gratifying and cleansing.
I also handed my ex-husband a large box of pictures for him. While he did not receive it with a smile, I felt good and the kids appreciated that their Dad would have pictures too. It turned out to be a really merry day for me.
If you do not have pictures or boxes to go through, clean your closet and get rid of old clothes and shoes; or pamper yourself in a way that makes you feel relaxed, such as reading a good book, taking a hot bath, having home spa treatments, or going skiing for the day.
Most importantly, love yourself and know whatever pain you are in, these precious moments will get easier with time.
I was there. I survived. And so will you. Happy Holidays.